JUGHEADS
Youth Juggling Company, LLC
5905 Concord Avenue
Edina, MN 55424
jugheads@comcast.net
612.229.3348

[Back to Paul's Platform main selection page]

December 2009

“Friend or Authority”

One of my favorite examples of my brother Jim’s development both as a young boy and as a father of four relates to an exchange he had as a 6-year-old with our dad. Through tears over a decision of Dad’s, Jim told him, “You’re not my friend.” Dad replied, “That’s right, I’m not your friend, I’m your father. You have plenty of friends, but only one father.” Looking back with wisdom acquired through maturity, Jim discerns that while Dad wasn’t denying any form of friendship with his 4th born child, he was simply stating that if his role as father was challenged by his role as “friend” to his kids, his role as father (i.e., the principal authority figure) must win out--for the sake of his children. In addition to raising five kids, Dad (Ron Arneberg) worked for years as plant manager for Sperry Univac and then Unisys. Now 76 and retired in Shoreview, MN, he comments on being a leader: “You can be friendly, but authority comes first. You don’t have to be mean, but you need to be the authority.”

Another Minnesotan, Olympic hockey coach Herb Brooks (via Kurt Russell in Miracle), put it like this: “I’ll be your coach; I won’t be your friend. If you need one of those, take it up with Doc or Coach Patrick here.” As the film unfolds, there is indeed a relationship between Coach Brooks and his young Olympic players, but only as a result of, not at the expense of, his role as coach.

Having turned 40 this year, I’ve not commented excessively on my milestone. However, one subtle change I’ll share is that I’ve been slowly (and perhaps subconsciously) receding from my former desire to always be popular and liked by the kids as opposed to being thick-skinned and a bit distant due to the nature of my role. With the number of coaches, student leaders, and Jughead members, someone has to be in charge, and when I’m not the one, I look to my coaching staff. Despite the conditioned instinct to being “friends” with the Jugheads in their respective clubs, even the student Assistants realize that their authority as student-workers needs to trump their desire to always be popular and peer-like.

My daily moments interacting with kids of all ages in personal ways helps to keep joy in my work. Ironically but not surprisingly, the more involved kids become as Jugheads, the more potential there exists for conflict and higher expectations (some of which go unmet). That’s perhaps when kids, most notably teens, need authority figures first and “friendships” with their adult-leaders second.